I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
