Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
