I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
