Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
