I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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