yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
