You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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