I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
