Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
