I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
