Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
