put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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