His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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