oh god the rape fog is back!
I puked a lego.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
