Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
