apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
