This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
