a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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