i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
