I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize