Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
