I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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