I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
