I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
