So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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