lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just threw up on my dentist
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
