i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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