do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
