i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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