ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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