Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
