She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
