You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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