I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
