piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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