Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
