I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize