he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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