I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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