Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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