Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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