Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
