mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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