Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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