dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
