do herpes really smell.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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