The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
