It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
