i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
