she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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