there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
