I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're a waste of cheezeits
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
