ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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