Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
