I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
