new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
someone owes me an orgasm
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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