yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
