toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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