i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
