Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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