PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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