And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize