Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
