And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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