New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
