Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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