So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
