make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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