ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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