Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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