her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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