You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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